Tips on parenting academically gifted but defiant toddler?

Female Toddler Age 4, dominant but helpful nature, seems to be in a crying, yelling, temper tantrum mode.

I usually try to give my daughter choices (she’s 3 1/2). It’s 2 choices (more is confusing) and BOTH answers are something that is acceptable to me. For instance. If I say “It’s time to come inside for lunch.” and she says “No, I don’t want to come inside!!!!!!” I then say, “Do you want Peanut Butter or Grilled Cheese for lunch?” This usually works, tends to redirect her from the coming inside issue and also makes her feel she has some control over the situation. I do it without responding to the outburst, just calmly asking the question.

Another situation would be when it’s time to clean up her room (or do anything, really that she doesn’t want to do). She may lay down, whine and say she doesn’t want to. Again, don’t argue–kids don’t argue rationally, so it’s pointless. Also, yelling doesn’t work–just makes her and me both really mad. I would handle it one of two ways:

1. If it’s something that HAS to be done immediately, I would say “Do you want to put on your shoes, or go to time out?” Or whatever your form of punishment is. If she sits there and doesn’t answer, I say “Well, if you aren’t going to put your shoes on, then you’ll have to go to time out.” 3 minutes in time out and then I either put her shoes on for her or ask her same question again.

2. The second thing I might do is say “Well, you need to clean up your room and you aren’t going to get a snack until it’s done.” This is where you hold firm. You have to be OKAY that she’s not cleaning up her room (afterall, you gave her a choice) but DO NOT give her a snack or anything resembling a snack (dessert after dinner) until her room is clean. It’s her decision, but you are controlling the outcome.

Just some things that work sometimes . . .

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